The Case: The Anti-Burrito Conspiracy of Fast Food Wraps
Opinion: Whether it is McDonald’s “snack wraps” or Kentucky Fried Chicken’s subsequent “toasted wrap,” there are some serious abuses of the flour tortilla going on! This issue first came to the attention of the Supreme Council of Chicanismo in the form of a Sunday newspaper coupon insert for KFC’s new grill pressed tortilla wrap with chicken, pepper mayo and cheese in it. Of course, the corporatization of the fast food industry means that these “wraps” are everywhere in numerous avatars. McDonald’s has more than one snack wrap with its chipotle BBQ chicken monstrosity. Even Taco Bell – which is infamous, of course, for its bean paste burritos – has the hexagon from hell otherwise known as the “crunch wrap supreme.”
Perhaps these culinary catastrophes are better suited to jettison the label of burritos on behalf of the good name of Mexicans worldwide. But still, the Supreme Council is interested in wrapping its head around this anti-burrito conspiracy. The most general definition of a burrito offered by Princeton no less is “a flour tortilla folded around a filling.” Now, what that filling is really doesn’t matter. The Supreme Council’s mom folds left over pot-roast drenched in BBQ sauce into a flour tortilla after asking if the Supreme Council would like it prepared as a burrito – not a wrap. The Supreme Council’s pops also has a notorious habit of coming home from work to warm up a flour tortilla on the stove, throwing mustard or mayo on it and topping it off by slapping down a cold slab of bologna! It’s not a “lazy ass wrap!” It’s a done in two minutes burrito!
Decision: The Supreme Council of Chicanismo, in order to weigh the evidence in the case, ate the Taco Bell Crunch Wrap Supreme and now must break for an “extended recess period.” Don’t ask!
Next burrito case: The Supreme Council will soon convene to consider amnesty for burritos mojados – otherwise known as sin papeles wraps!