Hitler in da Club?

So this past weekend, I went to Sachi’s in Long Beach to get my party on and to celebrate my friend’s birthday. After waiting in the worst V.I.P. line (cluster) ever, I finally got to enter the chill spot situated inside the Seaport Marina Hotel. The monotonous club jams were blastin’ over the loudspeakers and the 80’s cover band “The Spazmatics” were set to take the stage later on in the night. First order of business was to get my drink on so I headed to one of Sachi’s two bars. I ordered a drink to start off the night, when incredibly I saw former German dictator and 20th century super villian Adolf Hitler at the bar showing off to some ladies his watermelon eating skills:

In disbelief, I left to rejoin my friends hanging out at the dance floor. The DJ was spinnin’ some commercial vibes. Right after Timbaland’s “The Way I Are” blared, the track was cross faded into Benny Benassi’s “Born to Be Alive.” I noticed a crowd gather around in a circle. Being the tall Mexican that I am, I peered over people’s shoulders and saw once more…yes, you guessed it…

After that disturbing scene, I thought to myself A) what a strange fucking night B) What next? I’m going to take a piss in the bathroom next to Stalin? C) I gotta get the fuck out into the open air patio to smoke a cig. Choosing option C, I was taking the last few puffs, before my friend texted my saying the Spazmatics were about to go on. Seeing this as the whole point of the night, I stamped out my cig and made my way back to the dance floor. The DJ however, announced that before the Spazmatics got into their 80’s covers, a special opening act was going to do some Beatles jams. I thought to myself, aight this might be good, except this guy came out to sing “I Saw Her Standing There.”

Seeing this as the most disturbing night of my young social life, I felt it was time to go back to the bar and get something a little stronger. I thought I would be escaping the odd scene in the main dance floor and initially I was right. The bartender hooked me up with the harshest Long Beach I have ever drank in my life. The hip-hop jams were steady and with my drink in hand, I thought I finally had what I needed to go over the edge! The DJ then started spinning “What is Love,” and true to the infamous Saturday Night Live skit, someone at the bar, turned around and started bobbin’ his head to the beat…yes; him again.

I didn’t even bother to finish my drink. This was too much bullshit for one night! I headed for the exit and called my Saturday quits. As I returned to the Hotel parking lot, I was walking back to my truck when, once more, a loud scene distracted me. The familiar beats and rhymes of “Ms. Jackson” by Outkast accompanied a dope lowrider hittin’ the switches. Unfortunately, when I got a good look, I got a glance of who was in the driver’s seat. Shit…

I decided that the only way to escape this madness was a swift escape to the freeway and back to Orange County. I got back in my truck and peaced out of Sachi’s. Once home, I took comfort in the fact that I would no longer be in the presence of fascist dictators in da club. No, I was home in Orange County…where good Republicans go to die….aaaAAAHHHHHHHhhhhh!

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